The Rush on Toilet Paper

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

In these perilous times, when toilet paper is becoming a scarce commodity due to hysterical crowds panic buying of it, I would like to remind my fellow citizens that newspaper makes a viable alternative and it is really all that it is good for anymore.

[footeab@yahoo.com + 2,129]

💩 suggest tissues/paper towels first... 💩

True, newspaper(should be able to even buy one) is only good for lighting fires and wiping your arse

[Meredith Poor + 883]

Perhaps I'm simply oblivious, but I haven't figured out what toilet paper has to do with virus infections, or at least this one. Bottled water I can understand.

Do humans have some instinct to hoard something when they panic?

[Ward Smith + 6,615]

2 minutes ago, Meredith Poor said:

Perhaps I'm simply oblivious, but I haven't figured out what toilet paper has to do with virus infections, or at least this one. Bottled water I can understand.

Do humans have some instinct to hoard something when they panic?

Women do the majority of shopping and women use the majority of toilet paper. 

[NickW + 2,714]

17 hours ago, Douglas Buckland said:

In these perilous times, when toilet paper is becoming a scarce commodity due to hysterical crowds panic buying of it, I would like to remind my fellow citizens that newspaper makes a viable alternative and it is really all that it is good for anymore.

Picked this up in a local charity shop for 10p - hundreds of sheets

 

[0R0 + 6,251]

1 hour ago, Meredith Poor said:

Perhaps I'm simply oblivious, but I haven't figured out what toilet paper has to do with virus infections, or at least this one. Bottled water I can understand.

Do humans have some instinct to hoard something when they panic?

There was a psychological review of the mystery toilet paper hoarding phenom. The issue is that a large TP package is the most visible item in your cart so herd mentality in panic mood gets you to do what everyone else in the crowd is doing. It isn't expensive and even if you can't think why you would need that much of it, you know you will use it eventually. 

And yes, people and squirrels have hoarding (saving) instinct, our normal time frame of thought is various distances into the future.

[James Regan + 1,776]

UK Virus ALERT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” 

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. 

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
 
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
 
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
 
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.” 
 
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.” 
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[canadas canadas + 136]

Maybe we are using the toilet paper to cushion the big blows that we are taking up our arses these days due to all of this happening. Toilet paper to the rescue.  I'm using 3 ply since it feels less rough. 

Edited March 17, 2020 by canadas canadas

[Tom Kirkman + 8,860]

On 3/17/2020 at 1:40 PM, canadas canadas said:

Maybe we are using the toilet paper to cushion the big blows that we are taking up our arses these days due to all of this happening. Toilet paper to the rescue.  I'm using 3 ply since it feels less rough. 

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

Tom, it is a proven fact that toilet paper prevents respiratory diseases! I’m surprised that you didn’t know this! Three ply seems to be very effective against the corona virus. I’m not sure whether it is meant to be administered orally or ‘otherwise’. 

[Meredith Poor + 883]

13 hours ago, Tom Kirkman said:

A quick look on Craigslist shows people giving this away for free.

[Boat + 1,315]

Unless you want to pay an inflated price it’s not just toilet paper. Disinfectant wipes, bleach, disinfectant spray, alcohol and paper towels are very hard to find in stores and online.

[footeab@yahoo.com + 2,129]

On 3/17/2020 at 3:11 AM, James Regan said:

UK Virus ALERT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” 

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. 

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

So what do the English call 1667, when the Dutch raided the medway and burned the whole British Fleet?

"Hide behind the butler and pretend it never happened"

[footeab@yahoo.com + 2,129]

What do Americans call the burning of Washington in war of 1812: "Opportunity improvement district"

[El Nikko + 2,145]

6 minutes ago, footeab@yahoo.com said:

So what do the English call 1667, when the Dutch raided the medway and burned the whole British Fleet?

"Hide behind the butler and pretend it never happened"

Listen here sonny, I've just been out for me mornin' stroll, as per...I popped in to local shop for a packet of fags, the local rag and some bog roll so I could sit on the throne in peace for 30 minutes and nah cos of them shortages me flamin' regular bowel routine as ben destroyed for a bare minimum of 14 days. I'm losing the plot rapidly ere!

Nah they tellin me I can't tek me flippin whippit oot to course a few rabbits for supper!

Ave not ben this uncomfortable since we ad teh kep coal in bathtub!

Edited March 22, 2020 by El Nikko

[James Regan + 1,776]

5 hours ago, footeab@yahoo.com said:

So what do the English call 1667, when the Dutch raided the medway and burned the whole British Fleet?

"Hide behind the butler and pretend it never happened"

Haha you trying to be ironic or sarcastic if you want to go for it on battles I'm your man, culture and history I'm up for it, send a runner I will reply in kind.

If you're sure about real history and not based on a 245 year old colony that loves talking big, go for it. The snare has been baited this could be a laugh...

Edited March 22, 2020 by James Regan

[James Regan + 1,776]

5 hours ago, El Nikko said:

Listen here sonny, I've just been out for me mornin' stroll, as per...I popped in to local shop for a packet of fags, the local rag and some bog roll so I could sit on the throne in peace for 30 minutes and nah cos of them shortages me flamin' regular bowel routine as ben destroyed for a bare minimum of 14 days. I'm losing the plot rapidly ere!

Nah they tellin me I can't tek me flippin whippit oot to course a few rabbits for supper!

Ave not ben this uncomfortable since we ad teh kep coal in bathtub!

The Youth of Today
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You're right there, Obadiah
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o' cold tea
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, an' all
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son"
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was right
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ... they won't believe you

[James Regan + 1,776]

On 3/16/2020 at 3:33 PM, Meredith Poor said:

Perhaps I'm simply oblivious, but I haven't figured out what toilet paper has to do with virus infections, or at least this one. Bottled water I can understand.

Do humans have some instinct to hoard something when they panic?

This is why our economies are so screwed up, here's a Senior Lecturer from Boston and his thesis......looks like a turd, smells like a turd it probably is.....

"Zero Risk Bias" WTF - By a Gun

Coronavirus, or COVID-19, is a respiratory infection and none of the symptoms match up with any issue toilet paper is used to deal with.

However, Dr. Jay Zagorsky, Senior Lecturer at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business, points to “Zero Risk Bias” as the reason.

“Zero Risk Bias (is when) people prefer to try to eliminate one type of possibly superficial risk entirely rather than do something that would reduce their total risk by a greater amount,” Zagorsky wrote for the online publication The Conversation.

“Hoarding also makes people feel secure. This is especially relevant when the world is faced with a novel disease over which all of us have little or no control. However, we can control things like having enough toilet paper in case we are quarantined.”

While supplies are limited, many stores have limited the amount of toilet paper people can purchase.

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

8 hours ago, Boat said:

Unless you want to pay an inflated price it’s not just toilet paper. Disinfectant wipes, bleach, disinfectant spray, alcohol and paper towels are very hard to find in stores and online.

Brake cleaner seems to work okay...

[footeab@yahoo.com + 2,129]

2 hours ago, James Regan said:

Haha you trying to be ironic or sarcastic if you want to go for it on battles I'm your man, culture and history I'm up for it, send a runner I will reply in kind.

If you're sure about real history and not based on a 245 year old colony that loves talking big, go for it. The snare has been baited this could be a laugh...

Personally, I kinda liked my "Opportunity improvement district" for the burning of Washington in 1812 by the Brits.  Sorry you did not find it funny.  Guess this demonstrates one of the biggest cultural differences between USA/UK.  UK is more sarcastic/dry than the upbeat innuendo of the USA.  I'll have to work harder next time with the sarcasm for proper British humour.  😉  

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

James, you’re just still sore that it was us Yanks who discovered the North Sea oilfields....😂

(Reference: Phillips Petroleum Company/Ekofisk)

Game on!

Edited March 22, 2020 by Douglas Buckland

[James Regan + 1,776]

10 minutes ago, footeab@yahoo.com said:

Personally, I kinda liked my "Opportunity improvement district" for the burning of Washington in 1812 by the Brits.  Sorry you did not find it funny.  Guess this demonstrates one of the biggest cultural differences between USA/UK.  UK is more sarcastic/dry than the upbeat innuendo of the USA.  I'll have to work harder next time with the sarcasm for proper British humour.  😉  

To be honest I was up really early and got out of sinq with my replies. We do have a big cultural difference our humour is often considered black as the punch line isn't the punch line, its meant to relate to the obvious next thought a Brit would have, pretty complicated really often perceived as sarcasm or negative but in our culture we have to work for a laugh so we dont laugh much at Pie in face humour, were fkin weirdos really, we will easily make fun of ourselves before the expense of others, although if you see a grannie fall in the street your immediate reaction is to laugh while running to help her, Yep thats Fked up, but funny......

Edited March 22, 2020 by James Regan
typing to quick and looking thick as shit

[James Regan + 1,776]

2 minutes ago, Douglas Buckland said:

James, you’re just 

Jimmy the roughneck

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

4 minutes ago, James Regan said:

Jimmy the roughneck

Sorry Jimmy! The site is screwed up here (on my phone anyhow). It decides to post my replies while I am typing...

[James Regan + 1,776]

31 minutes ago, Douglas Buckland said:

Sorry Jimmy! The site is screwed up here (on my phone anyhow). It decides to post my replies while I am typing...

Haha there I thought you were opening the traps to let the hounds out on me, I was quite looking forward to it.....