And now for a bit of levity!

 

Oilfield Proverb (for those at the cutting edge):

Listen, all ye miserable sinners who have entered into the land of the tall derricks through the V-door. Tread softly on thy journey, and carry a big twenty-four in this dry and thirsty land. Harken to my voice, all ye of smooth skin and unwrinkled countenance, for I have dwelt in this land for many years and mine eyes have witnessed all manner of folly and woe. Verily, I have tasted of the bitter fruit of stuck drill pipe and I have drunk the dregs of the cup of lost circulation. Gird up thy loins, my son, and take up thy time sheets with great care. Listen to the counsel of the sadder and wiser man than thee. 

The wise man searcheth out the easy jobs on the rig, but the fool sticketh out his neck.

Latcheth onto the young floor hand, for he is innocent and eager to help. He is proud and foolish and will handle many nasty jobs in his vain attempt to receive recognition and favor. His youth betrays him, while he stands in the freezing rain to curry favor. Older and wiser men will laugh at his recklessness, and those with "snow on the mountaintop" will mock him.

Know thou that the Pusher of Tools is a man of many moods. When he smiles, seeketh him out, praise his rig and laugheth much at his jests. However, when he moveth with great haste and the sweat standeth out on his brow, make thyself scarce. If he curseth under his breath, do not wish him a good day or long life for he will fall upon thee like the whirlwind.  The Driller shall feel his anger, and the Roughneck shall know his wrath. Not even thy hardhat can protect thee. 

Ask naught of the Driller, for he despises thy youth. He will ask many questions of thee which thou canst not answer, and then he will puff out his chest in pride at his superior knowledge. He is thy supervisor, however, and thou art required to do his bidding, although he careth nothing for flattery.

Make a companion of the Logger of Mud, for he always hath doughnuts in his quarters and he can always find a current newspaper. Take him thy reading material and share thy sparse food supply with him, for he provides shelter during thunderstorms away from the doghouse. 

When the Drilling Superintendent approaches thee, make thyself scarce, for he will make thee sweat. Look thou on-the-ball, for he loveth to chew on thy posterior. Keep out of his sight lest he know thee by name, for he who arouses the wrath of the Drilling Superintendent will go many times into the mud house. 

Regard my words carefully, my son, and thou shalt dwell happily and prosper in the land of derricks for many years. If you fail to heed this wisdom, thou shalt be doomed to meaninglessly toil at the home of the hamburger. Selah

(If you've ever worked the rigs, especially 'back in the day', these should get a smile out of you. Alot of truth is said in jest!)

 

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44 minutes ago, Douglas Buckland said:

 

Oilfield Proverb (for those at the cutting edge):

Listen, all ye miserable sinners who have entered into the land of the tall derricks through the V-door. Tread softly on thy journey, and carry a big twenty-four in this dry and thirsty land. Harken to my voice, all ye of smooth skin and unwrinkled countenance, for I have dwelt in this land for many years and mine eyes have witnessed all manner of folly and woe. Verily, I have tasted of the bitter fruit of stuck drill pipe and I have drunk the dregs of the cup of lost circulation. Gird up thy loins, my son, and take up thy time sheets with great care. Listen to the counsel of the sadder and wiser man than thee. 

The wise man searcheth out the easy jobs on the rig, but the fool sticketh out his neck.

Latcheth onto the young floor hand, for he is innocent and eager to help. He is proud and foolish and will handle many nasty jobs in his vain attempt to receive recognition and favor. His youth betrays him, while he stands in the freezing rain to curry favor. Older and wiser men will laugh at his recklessness, and those with "snow on the mountaintop" will mock him.

Know thou that the Pusher of Tools is a man of many moods. When he smiles, seeketh him out, praise his rig and laugheth much at his jests. However, when he moveth with great haste and the sweat standeth out on his brow, make thyself scarce. If he curseth under his breath, do not wish him a good day or long life for he will fall upon thee like the whirlwind.  The Driller shall feel his anger, and the Roughneck shall know his wrath. Not even thy hardhat can protect thee. 

Ask naught of the Driller, for he despises thy youth. He will ask many questions of thee which thou canst not answer, and then he will puff out his chest in pride at his superior knowledge. He is thy supervisor, however, and thou art required to do his bidding, although he careth nothing for flattery.

Make a companion of the Logger of Mud, for he always hath doughnuts in his quarters and he can always find a current newspaper. Take him thy reading material and share thy sparse food supply with him, for he provides shelter during thunderstorms away from the doghouse. 

When the Drilling Superintendent approaches thee, make thyself scarce, for he will make thee sweat. Look thou on-the-ball, for he loveth to chew on thy posterior. Keep out of his sight lest he know thee by name, for he who arouses the wrath of the Drilling Superintendent will go many times into the mud house. 

Regard my words carefully, my son, and thou shalt dwell happily and prosper in the land of derricks for many years. If you fail to heed this wisdom, thou shalt be doomed to meaninglessly toil at the home of the hamburger. Selah

(If you've ever worked the rigs, especially 'back in the day', these should get a smile out of you. Alot of truth is said in jest!)

 

“ A Lannister always pays his debts”

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1 hour ago, James Regan said:

“ A Lannister always pays his debts”

What's a Lannister? Not familiar with that term.

I suppose you are familiar with getting the 'worm' to fetch the key to the V-door or to check the level in the water table...😂

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(edited)

47 minutes ago, Douglas Buckland said:

What's a Lannister? Not familiar with that term.

I suppose you are familiar with getting the 'worm' to fetch the key to the V-door or to check the level in the water table...😂

Yep, I counted the squares on the helideck net to size it, I argued it was square so I would do the math, but they managed to get me to count 5440 squares in front of the roughnecks, good days.

Game of Thrones 

A Lannister below as you were writing in old English👍🏻

0AA8E514-FED8-4539-A48F-4B416EE912A6.jpeg

Edited by James Regan

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The helideck met square counting is hilarious! Those were the days!

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I heard a story one time where the driller told the worm to go find the key to the V-door. The worm was wise to this harassment. He went to the welding shop and had the welder cut him a large key out of steel plate, relaxed for half an hour, then took the key to the driller and said, "Finally found it!".

An oilfield legend was born....

( For those that are not in the drilling game, the V-door is not a door. It is the ramp from the catwalk to the opening in the derrick where the tubulars are dragged into the derrick or mast. Finding the key to the V-door is a 'fool's errand'.)

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