A Pirate Shortage Caused Global Warming (and other interesting correlations)

[Douglas Buckland + 6,308]

Continuing with Tom Kirkman's post regarding the fact that 'correlation does not equal causation', and his included visual 'US crude oil imports from Norway correlates with drivers killed in collision with railway train'.

As you can see causality and correlation are two very different things. This is important to remember when reading 'science' from the Green Team.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/kjh2110/the-10-most-bizarre-correlations

Okay, the title of this post is 'click bait', but the second correlation presented does tend to indicate that there is a correlation between global warming and the number of pirates!

[Tom Kirkman + 8,860]

30 minutes ago, Douglas Buckland said:

Okay, the title of this post is 'click bait', but the second correlation presented does tend to indicate that there is a correlation between global warming and the number of pirates!

Apparently you have not yet been touched by the noodley appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  It was actually a very serious crusade, I strongly encourage you to read up on it.  I feel a bit old now, because I remember watching all this amusing critical thinking havoc unfold on the internet back in 2005:

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.

What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (Pastafarianism), and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Comment on this letter

 

[Tom Kirkman + 8,860]

Continuing on ...

https://www.venganza.org/about/

About

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, after having existed in secrecy for hundreds of years, came into the mainstream just a few years ago*.

With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.

Some claim that the church is purely a thought experiment or satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, just a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools. These people are mistaken — The Church of FSM is legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental.

Sounds great but where do I start?

For a taste of what we’re about, watch this video made by our friend Matt Tillman, an Introduction to Pastafarianism: Spaghetti, Wenches & Metaphysics.

 

More, please

We believe religion – say Christianity, Islam, Pastafarianiasm – does not require literal belief in order to provide spiritual enlightenment. Much of the transcendent experience of religion can be attributed to the community. And while some members of religion are indoctrinated True Believers, many are not. There are many levels of Belief and each is no more or less legitimate than the other.

That is to say, you do not have to Believe to be part of our Church, but we hope in time you will see the Truth. But skeptics, as well as members of other religions, are always welcome.

 

What is this business about pirates, and the Beer Volcano, and Stripper Factory?

Religious texts tell us that humans evolved from Pirates. Consider that so-called “science experts” would have us believe humans evolved from primates, pointing towards the shared 99% shared DNA between humans and primates. But humans and Pirates share upwards of 99.9% of DNA.

We believe that Pirates were the original Pastafarians and that they were peaceful explorers. It was only due to Christian misinformation that they have an image of outcast criminals today.

No one knows what the afterlife really holds, but we are told FSM Heaven has a Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.

 

How Do I Join?

There is no formal membership process and we do not collect money from our members. The site is supported purely by our Certificates of Ordination.

If you’re interested in what we’re about, please feel free to consider yourself a member.

...

[Tom Kirkman + 8,860]

And finally, here's that graphic that I've used repeated over the years to show the folly of confusing correlation with causation ...

1 hour ago, Douglas Buckland said:

Continuing with Tom Kirkman's post regarding the fact that 'correlation does not equal causation', and his included visual 'US crude oil imports from Norway correlates with drivers killed in collision with railway train'.

As you can see causality and correlation are two very different things. This is important to remember when reading 'science' from the Green Team.